tickets to her downfall

  ◇─◇──◇────◇────◇ “Wide awake, thinking about suicide. I got anxiety, they told me that the pill should’ve helped me, but I think they lied. I am a motherfucking mess, and I don’t fit in society. Demons inside of me, fuck my sobriety. I might seem like a mess, and I have some serious obsessions. Depression is not easy, but I’m just confessing. I’m sick of pretending.” ⋆ CHAPTER TEN  - POISONOUS WEB  ⋆ It had been five months since Michaela had tried to take her life, five months since she asked her best friend to help her dye her hair blonde, and five months since she discovered her trauma. She should’ve been better by now and should be on her way to healing, but that wasn’t the case. It was the opposite; nothing was helping, and the more Michaela tried to move on, the harder it became. Michaela no longer knew what to do, and she was tired, exhausted even. She just didn’t know how to move on from this. Fake smiling and telling people that she was okay was part of her da...

  ◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇ “I thought I wanted to love until you showed me what it was, and I’ve never been golden, but I swear that I showed it. It's a blessing and a curse; for the better, it's only worse; I wouldn’t wish this on anyone; it's one hell of a low one. Late at night, going out of my mind. Praying that the sun doesn’t rise. Waking up, wishing that you don't. Up at night drinking liquor like it's water. I need some medicine, this shit that my head is in.” ⋆ CHAPTER NINE – THE CUT THAT ALWAYS BLEEDS ⋆ The past couple of years have been on a constant loop filled with nothing but pure pain and self-loathing for Michaela Williams; she had been on overdrive for years because of the death of her father and the fact that she didn’t handle his death well. She did everything physically possible to try and drown out the pain of losing him but also the guilt of not being with him during that time, she never went to see him in the hospital, and she would regret tha...

◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇── “When shit doesn't go your way, you need me to fix it, and like me, I did, but I ran out of every reason. Now suddenly, you're asking for it back. Could you tell me, where'd you get the nerve? Yeah, you could say you miss all that we had. But I don't really care how bad it hurt when you broke me first.” ⋆ CHAPTER EIGHT -  FADED EMERALD ⋆ Michaela thought that she wanted to know the truth, that once she figured out what happened that she could move on, but she was wrong. The truth was more earth-shattering than she thought it would be, but she couldn’t believe that this was true. How could he do this to her? How was this their outcome? She thought that he cared about her, that he wanted the best for her, but he only thought of himself. Josh had no idea what love was because what he did to her did not equal love. Josh was the last person that she thought would ever do this to her, but he did. He did the unforgivable, and he took som...

  ◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇── “Nothing ever seems to come out right. But it’s hard to remember dreams, and I know that you won’t tell me everything. But you say I'm in your memory, and that’s fine. Fuck, I think I know his name now; I hope that I don’t go insane now; if so, I’ll have to blow his brains out. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, and I keep thinking about you and I." ⋆ CHAPTER SEVEN - FIRE AND DESIRE III ⋆ Michaela Williams was the only thing on my mind; I couldn’t focus on school and baseball and definitely couldn’t get back into writing my novel. All I could think about her and how she and I were meant to be, but Michaela couldn’t see that, or she just didn’t want to see it. Couldn’t she tell how much I love her? I know that she heard about the Dallas situation; did that scare her? I couldn’t help myself, Dallas knew the rules, and he went for it anyway; I was only trying to protect her. Couldn’t she see that? I didn’t care about anything or anyone as ...

 ◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇── “So sick from all of the scars they left searching for more than this life can give at night when you feel all alone. I'll tell you about tomorrow.” ⋆ CHAPTER SIX - FIRE AND DESIRE II ⋆ Most people think that what I did was horrible and that there is something wrong with me, but I believe that it was normal behavior, I wanted something, so I took it. I was tired of waiting around for her to realize how perfect we were together because truth is told, I didn’t think that she would ever want me. Not in this life, but maybe in the next life, or that’s what I keep telling myself. I hope she can forgive me, and we can get past this. All relationships have a rough path, right? This just happens to be ours. Michaela will forgive me, and I just have to be patient. The only way I’d let her go would have to include me dying, and even in death, I would find a way to make her mine. I’m sure you are reading this and thinking that I'm completely obsess...

  ◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇── “I know we're not in love; love is vivid. No, we're not in love; you fall right in it for a week, a month, or maybe just a minute or a lifetime. What's the difference? Big bang or collision, love is blind; we had a vision though, but now we are dead roses.” ⋆ CHAPTER FIVE - FIRE AND DESIRE I ⋆ Every traumatic event in your life was once filled with good intentions, maybe even a dash of hope. Maybe you thought you could shake the shackles that your family put you in--that society put you in. Maybe you pictured how your life would go, have dreams and goals. You probably even thought that you could make it big, find the love of your life, and live happily ever after. But does happily ever after really exist? I think it doesn’t because if it did, then maybe I could’ve got the girl, and maybe I wouldn’t have hurt her as I did. Maybe I could’ve seen that she was already broken, but instead, I just added it to the list and made her feel al...