⋆ CHAPTER TEN - POISONOUS WEB ⋆

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“Wide awake, thinking about suicide. I got anxiety, they told me that the pill should’ve helped me, but I think they lied. I am a motherfucking mess, and I don’t fit in society. Demons inside of me, fuck my sobriety. I might seem like a mess, and I have some serious obsessions. Depression is not easy, but I’m just confessing. I’m sick of pretending.”

⋆ CHAPTER TEN  - POISONOUS WEB  ⋆

It had been five months since Michaela had tried to take her life, five months since she asked her best friend to help her dye her hair blonde, and five months since she discovered her trauma. She should’ve been better by now and should be on her way to healing, but that wasn’t the case. It was the opposite; nothing was helping, and the more Michaela tried to move on, the harder it became. Michaela no longer knew what to do, and she was tired, exhausted even. She just didn’t know how to move on from this. Fake smiling and telling people that she was okay was part of her daily life; it was a lie, but everyone around her believed it to be true. No one saw how much pain she was in. Michaela wasn’t sure why her family and friends didn’t see that she was screaming for help; even Lucas didn’t notice. Why couldn’t they see? Or maybe, they did see the pain, but they didn’t care. Michaela found herself slipping further into her depression, but she couldn’t do anything to ease the pain; she had promised Selina and Lucas that she would no longer harm herself, she didn’t know how long she could keep that promise, but she was trying. Michaela was trying, but she knew she would once more fall from the cliff known as her life with a tiny nudge.

A muted sigh escaped from the depths of my throat. My fingers clenched onto the paintbrush in hand, the green shade gradually filling the white canvas. My head nodded a few times as the picture I was painting started to come to life. A small smile graced my nude lips. At this moment, I felt continent, maybe a little at peace. I was lost in my version of wonderland, the apartment was quiet, and my demons weren’t screaming at me. I could breathe for the first time in a long time, I knew this feeling wouldn’t last, but I was going to try to hold onto this feeling as much as possible. The sound of knocking snapped me out of my trance; the confusion was evident on my features as my chestnut hues shifted towards the clock, which read 6:30 PM. “Who could that be?” I questioned, dropping the paintbrush onto the ground as my palms brushed against my jeans. The knocking turned into a pounding, which caused me to jump slightly, and my heart rate slowly picked up. “I’m coming; give me a second!” The words flew out of my mouth in a harsh tone as my head shook, the pace of my heart was at a rapid speed, and an uneasy feeling started to swallow me whole. 

I inhaled and then exhaled. “Breathe.”

I inhaled and exhaled. “Breathe.”

I repeated that action until I stood in front of the wooden door, inhaling once more as my dainty hand wrapped around the brass doorknob, turning the knob slightly as the door gradually opened. A sense of relief kicked in once I realized that no one was on the other side. The confusion was once more on my brazen features, and chocolate orbs scanned the streets to catch a glimpse of anyone, but it was empty; I was just about to close the door when I noticed a black box. “What could this be?’ my head tilted slightly to the side as I scooped the box into my palm, turning on the balls of the soles of my bare feet as I bumped the door shut. The question hung in the air as I walked toward the kitchen, placing the tiny box onto the countertop. Something told me to throw it away, not to open it, and continue my painting, but curiosity got to me. A soft sigh left my lips as I languidly lifted the box from the marble countertop, tracing my index finger against the onyx-colored material, the top removed ever so slightly to reveal what the item was.

The moment the box was removed, a bewildered gasp elicited from parted lips as I instantly dropped it; my head rattled rapidly. “No, No. No.” The words repeated as my heart rate picked up, and my head began to spin as the words he uttered played like a movie. “Good girl. I just came here to tell you that you are still mine. I’m sorry for what I did to you, I should’ve never done that, but you are mine. Not Shawn’s and not Lucas’s. You are mine. The only way this will ever be over is if one of us dies, and don’t worry, I’ll always find you. Even in death, emerald.” His words played on a loop in my head. Each line he spoke caused my chest to tighten up and the speed of my heart to increase. The soles of my feet continued to pace back and forth; I would sneak a glimpse of the emerald necklace that used to represent hope and love was now tainted by him–Josh tainted everything he touched. 

My feet halted as my legs languidly lost their place, my knees collapsing onto the marble tile. “Why won’t you leave me alone?” Those words were uttered from my lips, and uncontrollable tears began to flow down rosy cheeks as my right arm extended outward, lifting my head slightly as my hand ran over the outline of the emerald necklace.

Josh had taken so much from me, my virginity, sanity, hope, and happiness. He was tied to everything negative in my life, and leaving this on my doorstep meant he would never let me go. The tears continued to cascade down my cheeks, clinging my eyelids shut as my head tilted backward, my mouth dropped, and a shrike belted from the depths of my throat. The screen that poured out of my mouth was proof that he had won; he had finally won, and now, I felt utterly useless-every part of me was broken. Nothing I could do would fix me, and he ensured it. 

“Why did he do this to me? Why me? Please, just make it stop.” The words escaped my mouth in between sobs; my fingers dug into my chest as I rocked back and forth. The pain was swallowing me whole, and I couldn’t escape; I was a fool to think that things would get better, but in reality, the true heartache had only begun. Joshua Grant was twisted, and I was caught in his poisonous web.

•⊱ "Hey, Lord, you know I’m tired. Hey, Lord, you know I’m tired of tears; just cut me loose. You know I’m fighting, but I’m sure this world is done with me. The tide is rolling in, and I don't want to win. Let it take me, let it take me. I'll be on my way. How long can I stay? In a place that can't contain me." •⊱