⋆ CHAPTER NINE – THE CUT THAT ALWAYS BLEEDS ⋆

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“I thought I wanted to love until you showed me what it was, and I’ve never been golden, but I swear that I showed it. It's a blessing and a curse; for the better, it's only worse; I wouldn’t wish this on anyone; it's one hell of a low one. Late at night, going out of my mind. Praying that the sun doesn’t rise. Waking up, wishing that you don't. Up at night drinking liquor like it's water. I need some medicine, this shit that my head is in.”

⋆ CHAPTER NINE – THE CUT THAT ALWAYS BLEEDS ⋆

The past couple of years have been on a constant loop filled with nothing but pure pain and self-loathing for Michaela Williams; she had been on overdrive for years because of the death of her father and the fact that she didn’t handle his death well. She did everything physically possible to try and drown out the pain of losing him but also the guilt of not being with him during that time, she never went to see him in the hospital, and she would regret that for the rest of her life, but did that mean she deserved the pain that Josh put her through? That question she couldn’t answer, or maybe deep down, she thought that was exactly what she deserved, that this was her punishment for being selfish when her family needed her the most, but she wasn’t sure. For some reason, she continued to blame herself. Sometimes she did blame Josh, but she blamed herself more, all of this was her fault, and no matter how hard she tried to move on or find happiness…she was reminded that she was a lost girl that had her rape blasted all over the internet. She had finally gotten to a place where she knew what she had to do; the only way she could end all of this would be with blood; ℍ𝔼ℝ 𝔹𝕃𝕆𝕆𝔻.

The water that was once clear had turned a crimson color, and her chocolate tresses cascaded outward as the young girl sunk deeper and deeper. Michaela was fading away; she was in a limbo on the brick of living and dying, and the darkness was calling to her like a siren song. She was slipping further away from reality because she was tired of living – barely living. Michaela was ready to end her suffering; she was ready to be anywhere but here because it wasn’t as if she had anything to keep her here. The pain was too much, and she could no longer find the light at the end of the tunnel. All she saw was darkness, claiming her. 

She had already lost her father.

Her mother thought she was a waste of space.

Josh, Victor, and Lance had raped her on camera.

Her sister was no longer around.

She was a burden to her best friends.

But the one thing she felt was that she was tired; she was tired of crying. Tired of the constant pain and the weight of it all. She couldn’t understand why she had to continue to deal with this pain. What was the reason? Why her? Why was she cursed to forever walk on this path? Michaela didn’t see the light; she didn’t believe that the pain would ever end. Her heart was shattered into pieces, and it continued to pierce her until all the blood poured out. 

"…And I feel lost without you, never thought to doubt you. Oh, who else is there to blame? So, save your best excuses; they can't get me through this. Maybe time can, maybe space, I’m trying. Give me a reason to let you go because right now, I can't, and I'm in pain. Should I say I'm sorry? Did I mess it up? All that you got from me was it not enough?..."

“Michaela? Mich?” The male voice uttered concernedly, and his eyes widened at seeing her naked physique floating in the bloody water; he swiftly pulled her body out of the water. Tears glided down his face as he lifted her upward in his arms; her body was lifeless. Michaela was on the verge of death. “Selina, how did this happen?” The pain, the grief, was evident in his voice as he shifted his gaze from the brunette in his arms to her best friend. Lucas and Selina were both confused. Lucas Wright felt as if someone had pierced him with a sharp object as he carried her lifeless body down the stairs, moist droplets cascading down his face. Lucas knew that he had to get her to the hospital as soon as possible; he didn’t want to lose her. He couldn’t lose her, not like this. “Someone, help! Someone, please help me! She needs help!” As the words uttered from his throat cracked. He was pleading for someone to save her. A nurse with brunette hair and a few doctors came to his aid and took Michaela from his arms. Lucas felt the world's weight on his shoulders; all he could think was. How did this happen? He had thought Michaela had gotten better, or maybe that’s what he told himself because of the smile that was always plastered on her lips. Clearly, she wasn’t okay. Lucas couldn’t believe that Michaela had gotten to this level; she had always been so strong, and he thought that she could do anything and the demons that controlled her wouldn’t win, but it looked like the demons were winning and no matter how much he wanted to protect her, he couldn’t.

That fact alone was eating him alive.

Lucas didn’t know what to do, and he was still focused on seeing her lifeless body in the water; the blood was an image that he couldn’t shake out of his head. The image was burned in his memory. “Are you okay?” Lina’s words caused him to snap out of his thoughts, and he shook his head. He couldn’t speak as he leaned against the door, his eyes fixated on the mirror as Michaela fought for her life. “I figured you wouldn’t be okay.” 

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“The demons crawl across my skull, clawing and gouging at my bone and brain.”

“Michaela, my sweet emerald.” The sound of his voice caused Michaela’s eyelids to flutter open, and the light from the room caused a groan to utter from her lips as the binds that held her arms together caused a surge of pain to glide down her back. “Lucas…?” Confusion swept her features as she tilted her head slightly as her blurry vision became clear. The sight of him caused her heart rate to pick up, and the question she asked caused his eyes to roll slightly as he shook his head. A single finger glided against her cheeks as he pushed the strand of the brunette lock from her mien. “Breathe. If you don’t breathe, this could get worse for you.” Michaela’s eyelids blinked, she wanted to scream, but nothing came out. “Good girl. I just came here to tell you that you are still mine. I’m sorry for what I did to you, I should’ve never done that, but you are mine. Not Shawn’s and not Lucas’s. You are mine. The only way this will ever be over is if one of you dies, and don’t worry, I’ll always find you. Even in death, emerald.” His lips curled into a smirk, and he bent down and pressed a chaste kiss on her lips. “I’ll see you soon.” Her eyelids slowly fluttered shut, his vision slipping away from her as she slowly fell into a deep slumber. 

“Anyone here for Michaela Alexandra Williams?” Lucas and Selina both rose to their feet, turning their direction towards the male doctor. Inhaling a deep breath. “Yes, we are here for us, and before you ask, we are not family, but her mother is at work, and her sister isn’t answering. I’m Lucas, her ex-..” He paused, and Selina placed her palm against Lucas’s shoulder as she spoke, “I’m her roommate; I’m the one that found her.”  The doctor nodded his head a few times, breaking his silence as the words uttered from his voice in a soft tone. “Normally, we wouldn’t do this, but due to the circumstances, I will allow it, Michaela tried to kill herself, and if she weren’t rushed to the hospital when you did, then she would’ve succeeded. You can go see her within two hours because she needs her rest.” The doctor placed a palm against Lucas’s shoulder blade, patting it slightly. Lucas and Selina glanced at one another, signing in relief. Neither one was prepared to deal with losing her, but the reality was clear as day, she didn’t want to live, and only she could save herself.

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“I'm in the corner of your cage, mascara running down my face; the door is open, but I stay. You think you can keep me in, keep me afraid; you're twisting, squeezing… inside my head. I won't just lie down and play dead—take a good look at my face; you think you can keep me afraid.”

Her eyelids blinked a couple of times, her reflection staring back at her. “Are you sure about this?” Michaela's hues shifted towards her blonde best friend, her head nodding a few times. “Yes, Audrey, I don’t want to be brunette anymore. I can’t be his sweet emerald; I can’t let him win.” Audrey nodded her head, and a smile curled against her lips. “Don’t you worry, I’m here now. We will figure this out together.” Michaela had to start over, change herself from the girl he knew to someone he would never see coming. The first step was to get rid of her dark. hair, she knew. how much he liked it on her. 

She would no longer allow him to break her.